What happened to the manager????

I'm quite adept in the art of bullshitting, and often elicit reactions like, "Tu saali, manager banegi", more so, when I talk my way out of messy situations(that I invarably land into) by the earlier mentioned art called bullshitting. Today during a lab session,I told a classmate, and a sporadic commenter on my blog "the lover", "Give me clear and comprehensive instructions on what has to be designed, and I'll do it".

A social gaffe if there was one!

Five-one-four-zero

And now, this is mine!

The fact it is imported, not yet released in India makes me happier. I could have almost stated hating globalisation and free market and all that, because the days when you got stuff from "foreign" were at an end, until I got this!

I know my happieness will be short lived and soon we'll have the 5140 in India. Although wishful thinking says they won't release it in here because of some corporate strategy.

Yes, that's it!
Long live corporate strategy!
(hopefully.... )

Hey Ma! Your daughter is famous!!!!!

Dan's post - an eulogy! I take this opportunity to formally thank all involved in getting me up there!

Till I come up with another post, here's something I heard after a really long time. And of all the places, I found it on the yahoo messenger radio! Been listening to Classic Rock, Soft Rock, Soft Counrty, Country, Love Songs amongst other radio stations they have up, and, there's some collection of songs. Some of which I had long forgotten, some that I was looking for all over town but couldn't catch hold of them.

I still miss audiogalaxy, somehow every frigging piece of music on planet earth was up there.
The POA now

1. Get google ads on my page.
   
2. Magically get people to click them.
   
3. Earn in dollars
   
4. Subscribe to the yahoo radio paid service!
   

How to do babies in C!

I was speaking to this Artificial Intelligence the other day, and one snippet from the conversation,

Me: what do you look like?
AI: I don't look like anything. I'm just a few lines of code
Me: how many lines of code are you?
AI: You're code too, kid. I'm coded in C, you're coded in DNA.

I was wondering, if babies were coded in C/C++, would the code look like

#include <boys.h>
#include <girls.h>
#include <sex.h>

void main()
{
char boy, girl, baby;
while (boy+girl != baby)
sex(boy,girl);

cout<<baby;
}

Classroom Capers #1

I don't like multiple postings on one day, however this was too funny to resist. I just hope this doesn't get lost as an esoteric joke.

There used to be this kiddie rhyme, "Little Peter rabbit had a fly upon his nose.... etc"

Me and Dan, did a spoof on it.

Little <insert name> had a butterfly upon his nose,
a butterfly upon his nose,
a butterfly upon his nose,
Little <insert name> had a butterfly upon his nose,
and he flicked it to compute a FFT!!

For the uninitiated, this has something to do with fast fourier transforms in digital signal processing, if you still don't get it, drop it, its not worth your time!

Incidentaly, this is the same prof who once unknowingly made a rhyme,

"In the digital domain
It is all, a number game"

Awesome.... whatcha think... Dan, Bi, Lover..... ???????

Strangers in the Night, Part 2

Things were getting rather interesting. There was this stranger. 10 years older than me - give or take a couple. I didn’t know his name; neither did I know what he did. But, I was envisaging an amazing future with him.

“Future”, My mind screamed.
Why? What was it about him that drew me with a force so un-definable?

At that time while making coffee, I’ll say it was his eyes. Actually, I’ll say that even now. It was his eyes. Yes…. There was something about them. They were honest. Totally. Unlike most men I’ve come across. Unlike any man I’ve come across.

He came into the kitchen; put me on the slab; took over making the coffee. As we sipped the coffee, he told me about himself. He was 36, a professor of photography at the nearby University and he added, ever since the past one hour, he was crazy about me.

I laughed. My laughter incidentally, gets to people to the point of irritation. It didn’t seem to have that kind of an effect here.

“I work with an advertising agency as a photographer”, I told him.
“I shoot the stills for all the major campaigns, and I’m totally smitten your eyes.”

He smiled.

His hands lingered over mine for a moment too long.
He could sense the passion getting to me. He looked at me. I looked at him. Neither spoke anything. Neither did anything.

After what seemed to be an eternity, his lips touched mine.
And that was perhaps the last moment of sanity that was left with me.
After which, we were consumed by passion.

His tongue traced the outline of my lips. Slowly, sensually found its way inside.
My hands could have pulled his hair out of his head. But luckily for him, hair, if you notice are rather strong, and refuse to come out, no matter how hard you tug at them.

We stopped. I looked at him. I started un-buttoning his shirt; he started un-buttoning mine. In a few moments we were half naked.

“Don’t you plan on getting out of your skirt?”
“If you want me out of it, help me with it”

I flashed him a smile.
He laughed, and went on to practically rip the fabric off me.
He went to the refrigerator, took out a bottle of Champaign.
Uncorked it.
Poured it on my naked body, as if to anoint every part of me.
To revere me; to revere my body.
I felt like a goddess to say the least.

Thinking about it now, I think that’s a much better use for Champaign, and it does wonders to you, and to your partner. More so, considering I don't quite like the way it tastes!

It didn't stop there. He proceeded to methodically lick it off my body, to nibble every part of it, to turn the entire body into this highly susceptible erogenous zone. Each and every square centimetre of flesh. I never experienced feeling so vivacious, so alive; wanting him to carry on, yet wanting him to stop – all at the same time.

We were all over the house.
The kitchen-the living room-the shower-the bedroom.
No place was spared by us.
We did make use of the real estate rather well.

Passion took over all the more.

We proceeded - like following a well-written script to the biting and the scratching and the holding on to each other. We went on, and on to the point where the boundary between pleasure and pain transcends into being none; to the point where you totally lose control of your body; to the point where the body goes on to dictate terms. Where, you start thinking of ways and means, to make him squeal.... with pleasure. Where your touches and kissed and caresses give him pleasure, and he reciprocates in kind. And finally to the climax of passion and of lust and off all that goes with it – together.

----
“So?”
I was still thinking. I barely knew him, Mr. Professor of photography, or did I?
I looked at those eyes again.
Those eyes, that said nothing, yet said so much.
Those hands; those arms.
I looked into his eyes, and smiled.

Stragers in the Night, part 1

He was staring right into my eyes. A deep long stare, as though he could read all my secrets and all of that which lay beneath.

"Whatcha think of moving in with me?”
“That’s the regular morning after talk, isn’t it?”
“No… I’m serious. I need you. I want you. I need a warm body cuddling up to me, becoming a part of me. Being me, for those moments of passion, being with me for the other moments called life”
“I… Ummm…………”

--

It was some hours ago - we were strangers. He was sitting there, sipping scotch. Every few minutes his gaze would meet mine, and he would smile. I smiled back. He had a pleasant yet intriguing smile. We were strangers, exchanging glances.

I got up; he gave a questioning glance.
I smiled. He followed me.

“He must be 35ish I thought”, I was 25.
None of us spoke a word. We communicated rather well without words.

I got into my car. Drove the next 10 odd kilometres thinking of him. I could see his headlights in the rear view, following me.

There was Frank Sinatra singing,

Something in your eyes was so inviting,
Something in you smile was so exciting,
Something in my heart,
Told me I must have you.

How true. We were strangers; yet, there was something that made me trust him instinctively. He could have been the psychopathic serial killer who goes about killing young women in the middle of the night, but that thought never crossed my mind. Not then at least, and not until now, when I realised, I should have thought of it.

The 15-minute drive was killing me. There was nothing more I wanted than to be with him, to be in his arms. But 15 minutes are 15 minutes, and they end precisely after 15 minutes. I stopped the car, and got down. Unlocked the house, got inside, and left the door open. I assumed he would follow. I was right.

“Coffee?”
“Umm… okay”, he smiled. “Black, and while you’re at it, lace it liberally with rum”
I laughed. That’s just how I liked my coffee. Black and strong.

I took time with the coffee.

I smiled to myself.

He could wait a little longer.

Gmail Invites

Boys and Girls,

I have half a dozen invites to give away, in case someone wants them let me know. You could either mail me, the mail address is there on the profile, or leave a comment in here with your mail address.

Cheers,
K

Decide for once, Powers of News Reporting

I understand that TOI is trying its level best to go become a soft porn site. I think, they are however, a little confused. In half of the 10 odd nude/semi-nude pictures of women the written matter goes like,

The eight soft-porn actresses stripped their clothes to protests against
film censorship befor being arrested for indecent exposure and public
scandal

OR/AND

The movie starlets wearing pose for
photographers at a park near the Roman
Catholic church in Manila's district
of Malate, before being arrested by
policemen.

Either they figure we can't see the women are nude, or they think we're brain dead and our short term memory is worse than that of Dory of Finding Nemo and so, we need a refresh with every picture, or maybe the editor has no idea of what he's doing, or maybe they can answer it better.

I was just thinking, if they really want to go the soft porn way, Or they want this particular section to be soft porn, (You can check this article out, while you're at it), maybe... just maybe, they could drop the mask and just have a picture galery (without the crap, like the one written above) or porn stories in place of "Say your say"!!

And I thought this was blasphemy!

Recycle, Replenish, Revive

I was going to post a story titled, "Strangers in the Night", however, a reader mailed in a story which was similar to stangers. The only similarity was that it was rather longish, like strangers... However, due to that huge element of similarity, I decided, there is another time for Strangers... till then, an old re-cycled post (MId June 2004, I guess)from my ex-blog @ blogdrive. Its about the time, I almost lost out on a Suzuki Grand Vitara... actually on how I almost got it, and totally lost out on it.

The Attack of Indecisiveness

When indecisiveness attacks, it comes like a swarm of bees, all attacking you at the same time. When your mind goes numb and you can't figure out anything, you don't know what to do or say, and when you do or rather, by the time you do, you've missed the train, baby!

I almost owned a Suzuki Grand Vitara. “Almost” that is the keyword. I made my decision a second too late!

Here goes the story…

We had the second day of a two-day session on lateral thinking in college today, it being high time, since companies start coming on campus in two days time. So, the person conducting the session, to be referred to as "the guy" from now on, asked another of the many mind-boggling questions. It went something like this, (There's some forced humour in the question, which would appeal only to those totally demented. However, do gimme a party in case you test negative for dementia)

There is this king - a nice benevolent soul. He's got this huge stock of red wine, a good 1000 bottles at that. Now, the problem is, one of the 1000 is poisoned. And Mr. Nice Benevolent King, needs to find out the poisoned bottle as soon as possible. At this time, I'm sure neither of us here would want to be his people (or maybe, some of you out there would be, depending on how you view death) because

< roll the drums in the background >
He needs to test the wine on the people of the state
< /roll the drums in the background >

Of course, remember, we're dealing with Mr. Nice King, so he wants minimum number of people to do the job, off which all or none need necessarily die, depending on the poisoned bottle.

So the nice-ist option seems, we'll get one man, and he'll go on, over and over again for the next 1000 odd days in the worst case scenario, and less in better case. No sire, that ain't possible, because Mr. Party Animal King has this party to throw in 4 days time, and the effect of the sample, will be evident in 4 days time.

So, what does he do?
1000 bottles of wine; one of which is poisoned; and only one chance. That's it.

Now, we're all thinking, and thinking, and I come up with 30.
Pretty neat, says the guy, but we can go still lower.
So, I start thinking again, and again, and finally come up with the number 10!
Voila!
That's it.
Superb.etc etc etc.

Meet Kathak - the class celebrity for the next 2 minutes.
And the guy's ready to give me anything I ask for.
Just about anything.

Now, that was the worst time for modesty to strike.
I very happily say, "Sir... nothing"
"Nothing !?!" exclaims the guy.
"Yes Sir, nothing"

In retrospect I can now kick myself. More so, when he gave me another minute, while telling this anecdote of the only other person (or was it girl) in the entire city of Pune, who could answer the question and also asked for "nothing"… or something like that. Then, he asked me again, and once again, I very modestly answered in the negative. Damn Modesty!

Coming to the actual behind-the-scenes, it wasn’t modesty. To be honest – cross my heart kind of honesty- at that time I was thinking whether to ask for the Honda CRV or the Suzuki Grand Vitara. Just when I sort of froze upon the Grand Vitara – oops… it was a little too late.

Nothing could be worse than that little delay.
Not even missing the 8:32 local at Andheri. (That of course I say, because I do not stay in the city of B'bay or need to use the locals either. So, bombay-ites, please don't flame me)

Like they say, indecisiveness.... Can take you down with it.

Cheers to us engineers!

Getting an engineering degree is like getting pregnant; irrespective of the attempts it took, the achievement is what gets the cake!

A very happy engineers day, to all engineers out there!

The guys* who invented fire and the wheel were engineers who lived in an wireless era. The guys who invented mobile devices, interconnectivity and all that jazz help us live in another!!

Cheers,
K

*I'm not being sexist out here. 'Guys' is used as a generic term for the more politicically correct people.

Graphical Convolution !?!!

I learnt something new the other day. While preparing a speech, in my capacity as the President of the Student Branch, for the inaugural function of our IEEE student branch I came across an interesting history of the IEEE logo.

It seems to be some sort of a convoluted repersentation of the wheatstone bridge and the right hand rule. After time convolution and frequency convolution, what next? Graphical convolution????

The eighth day of this Lunar fortnight

12:30 hours, "Lets have dahi handi in college tomorrow"
"okay"
"okay"

And many okays, and 24 hours later, on the 2nd floor of college we saw the 'handi' suspended.
Another couple of hours later, all of us were rolling in mud in front of not only crowd from college, but also the Pharmacy college, the School of Management, and the co-ed college*. It was quite a 'different' sight to see a bunch of girls climbing one on top of the other to break the handi full of dahi-pohe!

What we got in return was

• A broken handi........... !!!
  
• A hell lot of fun
  
• Wada Pav** on the house
  
• Back aches
  

But boy oh boy, I wouldn't have had it any other way!

*Interestingly in Pune (Unlike the rest of the country, to my knowledge) we have this ever growing polulation of 'Women Engg. Colleges'. The management states its for women emancipation and upliftment and blah blah blah... but I'm sure that is debatable!

**A friend actually heard "Wada Pav ki kasam blah blah blah...........!!!!" quite a bit in Mumbai locals!

Bad Timing at its Best.......... !!

Dan spoke about Originality Vs Timing, here's an original (!) at the worst probable time.

A really long time ago, one stormy afternoon...

... actually, a year ago during a micro-controller lecture, one of my friend asked our prof, "Ma'am, why is it that the 8051 can only perfom unsigned multiplication and division? ". What poor R was unaware was, there was me all waiting to pounce, and before our teacher could come up with a reply, I tell her, "Its to avoid litigation, in case something goes wrong!!"

Unfortunately, the joke was lost back then... talk about bad timing!